Whatever the Weather

Nothing is more boring than talking about the weather: what it’s going to do, what it might do, what “they” said it was supposed to do and then never did. All of this prattling makes me crazy and doesn’t even count as small talk in my book. That said, The General takes a keen interest in all-things-weather and yet, strangely is rarely satisfied. He is, in fact, A Goldilocks for All Seasons. There are approximately three days during the year when he will admit to the weather being “not too bad” and suitable for whatever it is he needs to do.

I recently pointed out that although he complained hourly last winter about blowing snow, frigid temperatures (or, as the weather-nerds will have it, The Polar Vortex) as soon as the spring sun began to warm the earth and I tried to lure him outside to a sheltered, sunny nook on the deck, he shook his head rapidly, shocked, saying it was far too wet and besides, “they” had said it was going to turn cold again that night. In summer, of course, it’s usually too hot, dangerous even, to be in the garden for too long and where was that sunscreen/hat/protective eye wear anyway etc.

Recently we were both admiring that certain coral pinkiness of the falling leaves that is so arresting at this time of year when The General paused and added dramatically: “Well, nice for now – but soon all those leaves will die.”

Basically, he’s Eeyore as a Meteorologist.

When it rains, going outside is out of the question – its raining! This is the one I really do not understand because having lived in the UK, if you plan to wait until the rain stops you will most likely be waiting several years – and even then, best take an umbrella just in case. Indeed, once you have ridden on a motorcycle back and forth every day in order to reach your place of employment with an icy, needle-sharp rain blowing straight off the Irish Sea and up your tweed skirt – your tolerance for ‘not very nice’ weather may be slighter higher than the average.

It is my belief that if you are truly prepared for the weather (decent coat, gloves, a brolly that will not blow inside out) and you do not have to drive anywhere important the weather becomes irrelevant since you have no control over it. I certainly don’t need to know at the beginning of each day what the weather will be like at 4pm because … well, why would I?  The General also seems to enjoy a peculiar kind of triumphant smugness when the weather has been wrongly predicted and opens his Mac gravely to announce that, although it may be brilliant sunshine NOW, that was not what they said earlier. “What are we paying these clowns for?” he asks with a shrug. I am often not able to reply as I am biting a towel in the other corner of the room …

For those readers who may be concerned that The General and I are now entering an unpleasant, rats-in-the-cage era of lockdown/our relationship, please be reassured. I have often credited here the sunny, boyish, adorable optimism that radiates from this man who makes me laugh constantly and I will still give credit where credit is due. After all my teasing and spirited Socratic dialogue, I have noticed The General sitting outside many more times than ever before this past summer – hatless, even – and showing an independent interest in the flora and fauna while he’s out there.

Yet more recently still, we have become those people who are trying to walk more regularly and as a result, the weather has been necessarily relegated to the background because we’ve decided to go out every day. No matter what. And, because The General is much more competitive – with himself and others (and don’t even get me started about the ‘Jeopardy’ shouting: “Why didn’t he bet it all?”) than he is churlish, the weather has drifted  to the background and he has (for the most part) switched his interest to his own aerobic capacity. Which is wonderful and MUCH more positive.

I believe we can all agree that even Eeyore would find this “not bad …”

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