Joy of Text
On August 4, 2019 by Speranza
Like a fool, I believed that if I survived my sons’ teen years I would be assured of a (relatively) worry-free life which I might congratulate myself for later and bask in the afterglow of getting something right.
I now know this basking-thing will never happen.
There is not going to be a time when I do not worry.
Like other hip parents, as I foam quietly at the mouth with anxiety I have become the master of the mock-casual 3 am text:
ME: Hey, what’s up? Haven’t heard from you in a bit.
SON 1 or 2 (eventually, often days later) Right? How are you?
Which as any savvy parent knows is one of those generated, easily spotted responses (intended for those who are just way TOO busy to think of a word) and conveys slightly less than nothing.
Sometimes I get lucky and embark on The Extended Text session, a delicate business involving a brisk series of rapid fire back and forth texts which initially seem hopeful in their provision of nuggets of information but just one text too many, or one inquiry too deep can plummet the whole thing into an abrupt abyss of no further response.
(This will later be earnestly explained away as “my phone was out of power” or “I lost my phone till yesterday” or “I fell asleep” none of which is remotely feasible). Here is an example:
ME: Sooo how is the new job going?
SON 1 or 2: Pretty good. Had a great day yesterday and we all went out for a beer after work.
ME: Amazing! Sounds like there are some nice people there.
SON 1 or 2: Ya, it’s not bad. I was at the ER last night though.
ME: OMG what happened? Why didn’t you call me?
SON 1 or 2: Basically there’s a legit hole in my foot. Maybe insect bite, dunno.
ME: What do you mean? Do you have a fever??? Are you okay, how are they treating this? Didn’t you wear long pants at that camping trip?
No reply. Nothing, unless you count me checking my own phone about every 4 seconds and constant re-reading the latest texts again. Two days later, strung out on no sleep and beginning to hallucinate I call him, manually, on a real phone. Closer careful questioning reveals that there may have been a drunken knife tossing-game involved at said camping trip – all in the spirit of good fun, you understand …
The other texts that Our Young People seem to dread are those which require an actual response.
Eerily, there is a universal truth that suggests that these particular messages will never be received; indeed, mere mention of them will cause brows to knit, looks of puzzlement followed by slow meticulous scrolling which (phone turned to parent) reveals that nothing was ever delivered. Apparently. Again with the examples:
ME: Hey do you know yet if you are able to come down for Thanksgiving/Christmas/Uncle Roscoe’s birthday?
They will never know – and neither will you.
And also …
ME: I don’t know what is wrong with my printer/email/PayPal account and wondered if you could pop by and help me?
Nope, never got that one either. Weird, isn’t it?
It’s funny too that other texts seem to evoke an instant response like those associated with offers of homemade food.
What is the solution here? I have tried (in person) explaining how frustrating and hurtful these lack of responses can be and have been met with abject apologies and promises to do better. (Usually as they are texting someone else). I also know that I am lucky on some level that they text me at all and I have definitely had some lovely texts on Mother’s Day and even better, the quirky, random texts with photos that say things like “knew you would appreciate this” etc.
I don’t expect my boys to be “checking in” every day – and I do understand that there was a time when cell phones did not exist – but since they do now it is hard to go back.
My 80 something year old mother got a smart phone (and learned how to text!) for the express purpose of communicating with her grandchildren. (“You’ve got to get their attention somehow!”) They all answered HER texts.
Extremely impressed right now with your mum!