Anxiety . Cleaning . Frasier and Niles
A Room of One’s Own
On April 9, 2022 by Speranza
I have been redecorating my office. Disturbingly, this is something that has not happened for 27 years. I found myself looking at the inside of a door etched with the frantic nail scratching of a sweet dog, long since passed, who was frightened by thunder; paintable ‘Anaglypta‘ wallpaper now stiffly rippling with age, rising up like Japanese Wave Art across one wall; loopy, repulsive carpet when peeled back, reveals an ancient spotty underpad that always reminds me of Pimiento Loaf. (You know the one: a beige deli ‘meat’ with festive coloured bits sprinkled throughout. Spoiler: Those bits will not be maraschinos …)
Beneath the underpad is random, dirty flooring comprised of a variety of planks that likely originated from the garage of some drunken uncles who installed many years before …
There was much for me to do.
Being A Mum . Frasier and Niles . Getting Older . Nostalgia
Sonny Days
On June 9, 2021 by Speranza
I’ve noticed recently that both Frasier and Niles have pulled back a bit in their communications with me; they would both immediately deny this, and yet it is true. For them, time is rushing past and they are totally absorbed in their partners, jobs and friends – and rightly so.
I understand this and well remember that the Starter Husband only communicated with his own parents at 3 pm every-few-dozen-Sundays when the flickering guilt refused to be tamped down any longer. (And to be fair, they made sure to call us weekly. But I do not envy the quality of those conversations either which basically involved asking: “How are you getting on at work?” in varying ways).
For Frasier and Niles, weekends are festive but necessarily marked by the stocking up of food, the cleaning of bathrooms and hopefully, spectacular afternoons spent in bed, followed by an ÜberEats delivery. But, because I am now getting older, not only does this lack of contact make me feel irrelevant, the whole thing is such a tired, grasping cliché. I always felt certain that someone of my own extreme coolness might be spared from such things – unlike that poor wretch Harry Chapin.
Frasier and Niles . Love . The General
Happy Valentine’s Day
On February 13, 2021 by Speranza
I remember telling both of my sons that while large breasts were a very nice attribute in a girlfriend, the more pressing question should be, as the relationship began to deepen: “Would this person make you soup when you are sick?”
Being A Mum . Frasier and Niles . Teenagers
Joy of Text
On August 4, 2019 by Speranza
Like a fool, I believed that if I survived my sons’ teen years I would be assured of a (relatively) worry-free life which I might congratulate myself for later and bask in the afterglow of getting something right.
I now know this basking-thing will never happen.
There is not going to be a time when I do not worry.
Like other hip parents, as I foam quietly at the mouth with anxiety I have become the master of the mock-casual 3 am text:
ME: Hey, what’s up? Haven’t heard from you in a bit.
SON 1 or 2 (eventually, often days later) Right? How are you?
Which as any savvy parent knows is one of those generated, easily spotted responses (intended for those who are just way TOO busy to think of a word) and conveys slightly less than nothing.
Being A Mum . Frasier and Niles . Self-Esteem
The Party Line
On February 17, 2018 by Speranza
I remember reading in a psychology book, a simple but intriguing quiz in which one presents the following scenario to a friend:
You are at a party, everyone is chatting and enjoying some food and drink. For some reason, you are called away and leave the room.
What do you think that the guests are now saying about you?
I tossed this out to Frasier and Niles when they were hanging out having a beer with me in the kitchen one airless, summer evening. Niles really struggled and couldn’t come up with much. He questioned why they would be thinking anything at all and laughed that he didn’t much care anyway as he loped across to the fridge. Frasier, on the other hand, frowned and shrugged, shifting about in his chair; but when pressed, he admitted that he thought they would most likely be thinking: Hey, who brought THAT guy?
Which made us laugh. A lot.
For myself, I wondered if there might be a universal discussion as to how particularly unattractive I was.
SPOILER ALERT: Try it yourself before reading any further: what do YOU think these guests would be saying?